What is Open Adoption?

Open adoption is a kind of family relationship. It is an agreement or  commitment that the birth family and adoptive family make to each other and to the child. It is a commitment to be part of each other's lives.

It’s like a marriage in some ways. When two people marry, they are joining with each other and they are joining their families. In open adoption, the adoptive family is joined with the birth family through the child.

Because the child is too young to do this, it is up to the adults to maintain the relationship with one another. So the adoptive and birth parents make a commitment to one another so the child will be able to have connections with all members of his families.

Open Adoption Relationships:

Like all families, the kind of relationship members of a family have with one another varies. Generally, these relationships fall into one of three types:

Extended Family Open Adoption:
Sometimes, you have a close relationship with one another. You visit each others' homes, attend family functions, attend birthday parties, Christmas celebrations, inform each other of any significant change in your life. You recognize each other's birthdays, give gifts to one another at Xmas. This kind of open adoption relationship is considered an extended family relationship.

Friendship Open Adoption:
In a friendship open adoption, you spend time getting to know one another, get together with one another, visit each other's homes, and keep in touch by phone and email. They may or may not recognize each other's birthdays, give gifts at Xmas. Usually, they are not included in family gatherings such as Christmas dinner.  However, the people in these relationships have become friends with one another.

Acquaintance Open Adoption:
In an acquaintance open adoption relationship, people keep in contact with one another but it is usually through email, phone or letter. They may get together once a year.

Relationships Change:
Of course, like all kinds of relationships, open adoption relationships change over time. Sometimes the relationship feels like an extended family and sometimes like an acquaintance. Relationships need flexibility in order to survive. However, all recognize that they are family to one another and each person is important to the child. The frequency of contact and the way you connect with each other may change many times over the years, but you are still family and this bond can never be broken

Are open adoptions legally binding?

These relationships are entered into in good faith, based on trust and respect. They are not legally binding in Ontario.

Birth and adoptive parents can discuss the kind of relationship they want to have with one another now and in the future. Some like to write down these thoughts into what is called an open adoption agreement. These agreements are reminders of their intentions and plans. It is always a good idea to have a plan. Although plans can be changed, they give everyone an idea where they are headed.

What are the benefits of open adoption?

First and foremost, open adoption benefits the child. The child grows up knowing all the pieces of his or her family history. Like biological children, they grow up knowing their birth parents and birth relatives. The child has a firm understanding who he or she looks like, where his or her interests came from, etc. The child also knows that s/he continues to be important to her birthparents. There is no room to doubt whether the child's birth parents loved and cared for the child. Information about all aspects of the child's family history is also readily available. And this kind of ongoing relationship eliminates the possibility that the child may look at every man and woman who bears a resemblance to him and wonder is that my mother, is that my father. The child never has to wonder whether their birthparents would welcome them back into their lives because they are part of their lives.

What kind of problems occur in open adoption relationships?

All families have problems. Open adoption families are no different. Often in the beginning of a relationship, people are not sure what to expect from one another. Birthparents are grieving the loss of their child. At the same time they are trying to figure out what their role is in their child's life.
Adoptive parents are focused on their new role as parents of the child. They are usually tired from sleepless nights. They also are trying to figure out how the birth family fits into the family structure. This is a time of great transition.
Understanding how the other person feels and good communication are essential during these times of transition.

What is a birthparent's role in a child's life?

Birthparents need to be secure in the role they have in their child’s life. If they are not, the child loses.

It is important to look at the child's needs when sorting out your role in the child's life. A child needs someone who:

• is reliable
• makes promises and keeps them
• respects his/her adoptive parents
• remembers birthdays, holidays, special occasions
• can tell them about his or her birth and family history
• is interested in his or her thoughts and interests.

A child needs their birthparents to love them and to just be there for them.